The Weekly: Really? (NFL “Professionals”, Physics, and Nascar)

An article by Oliver Davis    5 Comments

Really, so called National Football League “professionals”? Richard Seymour (DE-Raiders), Steve Johnson (WR-Bills), Le’ron McClain (RB-Ravens), and Brandon Marshall (WR-Dolphins) all reserve the right to be called professional athletes, but apparently they also reserve the right to lower the “professional” standard.

Quick look at what happens when other sports have practiced lowering the standard:

Following a Ben Roethlisberger 22-yard TD pass, Seymour sought it necessary to cold-cock Roethlisberger in the face. After the game, Seymour had this to say, “I’m not sure why he [Roethlisberger] ran up on me. I just turned around and it was a natural reaction.” Really? Of course it was just a natural reaction Richard. I don’t play in the NFL, but I fully understand your point of view that when the opposing QB does his job (which is throwing TD passes), he should then immediately receive a blow to the face by your hand. The NFL Rules Committee has already begun discussions to implement this rule for the 2011-12 season.

If you’re an advocate of mixing sports with fashion, then Chris Carter satisfied all your needs and emotions during the Monday Night Countdown’s segment of “C’mon Man!” At his post game interview, Steve Johnson, a “professional” athlete, came out dressed in a skull cap and white tank top. Really? Perhaps I am wrong and there is no harm, no foul here, but to demonstrate what it would look like for a member of another profession dressed in similar attire, a camera switched back to a close up of Carter wearing a white tank top. As hilarious as the segment was, C’MON STEVE! You just had a career day (8 receptions, 137 yards, & 3 TD’s)! Which begs the question, WHY SO SERIOUS?

Dear Le’ron McClain,

I was wondering if you were aware of the generally accepted ‘man law’ that aside from a groin shot, spitting on another person is the lowest possible standard one may succumb to. Really? The ONLY occasion spitting is ever accepted is if you’re a regular on ‘The Jersey Shore’. I’d like to ask you to go watch the video of you spitting on Channing Crowder and attempt to figure out who looks more ridiculous. Intelligence seems to have lapsed from your brain so I am going to help you out. The answer is NOT the guy who gets spit on. In order to be fair, I believed you after you had publicly stated that you did not spit on anyone and the NFL still hasn’t found you guilty for this incident, but then I heard an excerpt of a radio conversation you had with Doug Gottlieb. After your claim that you didn’t spit on Crowder, Gottlieb asked you if you would “put that on your momma?” I couldn’t understand your answer very well because it sounded like bad reception and a lot of stuttering, but I was wondering if you could go ahead and clear that up for us now.

Really? This: Marshall to Cutler. Ugh! It’s about time player’s start throwing things at him. I’d like to see more of this. If I had the choice of watching a weekend of football and this guy getting pelted with random object on the sidelines, I’d choose the latter. A special thanks goes out to you Brandon Marshall. You’re my hero!

Really Physics teacher? I was two minutes late to your exam and you had already locked the doors to the auditorium. I’m in the process of researching, but I am fairly certain you’re breaking a few fire code regulations. If you’re reading this right now then I warn you, I’m sitting up front from now on and I will be eating a can of beans before every class.

Really Nascar Drivers? You’ve just managed to make Jimmie Johnson the Nascar equivalent to the UCLA B-Ball team of the 70’s. Allowing one driver to win five straight Nascar Cups is embarrassing. I hope you appreciate the media focusing mainly on stories that revolve around Joey Lagano, Danica Patrick, and sissy fighting between Kevin Harvick and Carl Edwards. Otherwise, fans would take a much more active role in seeing every driver not in the #48 car dismissed from the team.

Untill next week, stay classy, try not to throw haymakers (unless directed at Jay Cutler), and fight the urge to spit on others or theres a good chance you’ll end up spending 3 hours putting gel in your hair and collecting gold chains (after you get your tanning bed fix for the week of course).